So far, so good...

Hello, blog-fans!

So, things are looking up... I am re-energized. So far, I've been doing a good job sticking to my plan -- I'm getting all of my cardio in and following my food rules. It's only the 3rd day, but I'm confident that I can keep it up!!!

It's kind of funny... just when I am having to re-commit myself to the healthy lifestyle I want to lead, I have not 1 but 2 friends ask if I can be their "coach" if you will... talk about the blind leading the blind?!? I said yes because I figured that we could support each other, and after all, I have learned a thing or two over the past year, right?

So, Saturday is that next assessment which isn't going to be good... I've gained about 14 lbs over the past 6 weeks... yikes!!! And so, even if I lose a little before then, I'm going to have to deal with a gain. I told Sean that I would try to keep "Crazy Laura" from coming to the assessment, but I'm not sure how I'm going to react... Maybe since I know now I will be prepared, but who am I kidding???

Happy Tuesday!
LP

Back to basics...

It's time to regroup. I have done such a great job since February getting my life on track. It's like I'm a new person. I have been making much better choices every day and am committed to becoming a healthier and happier person. I'm proud of all that I have accomplished and of how far I have come.

But I still have a long way to go. Ever since Thanksgiving, I have definitely slacked off some. I've become complacent and it's beginning to show. I've gained a little weight back and it's a little bit frightening. I'm afraid that I'm on a slippery slope and if I allow things to continue, I am going to wind up right back to where I was a year ago... I can't let this happen. It's time to fix things before they get completely out of hand.

I'm committing myself to (in no particular order) --
1) Keeping up with my journaling. I eventually stopped writing down what I was eating and when I was exercising because everyday looked the same. Everything was a habit. I knew what to do and so I felt like I didn't need to write things down anymore. But after a while, I wasn't doing the same things anymore. I need to start writing again and start doing the things I know I need to do.
2) Follow the food rules Sean gave me when I started. Part of this indiscretion was the holidays and fooling myself into thinking that I deserved to have whatever I wanted at the time. And while my holiday indulgences were much better than in years past, I still gave myself a little too much slack. Well, holidays are over and it's time to start again.
2a...this includes drinking my water!!!
3) Doing my extra cardio 3-5 times a week. Exercise is the key to my success. Not only that, it helps me keep my stress levels down. Over the past couple of weeks I have allowed myself to skip exercise because I've been too busy. No more.
4) Staying POSITIVE. I'm going to start giving myself the credit I deserve about all of the great things that I have done. When I begin to slip however, I continue to beat myself up and just get really down. I need to be my own cheerleader so I can keep myself going. I can do this. I am doing this. I deserve this.
5) Focusing on behavior and not dwelling on results. I've touched on the too-frequent weighing before. It's great when I see small successes but when the scale goes in the wrong direction I really get knocked on my butt. It makes me a little crazy and obsessed. It's not healthy. It would be unrealistic to say that I'm not going to weigh myself anymore, but I will limit my weighing to once every week or two. This is a marathon, not a sprint... And maybe I should start focusing on some results that aren't shown on the scale -- my energy, my mood, my confidence level... these are just as important (if not more) than the pounds and inches.
6) Find a better work/life balance. Part of the problem I've noticed is that my life has become consumed with work and working out... I need a hobby! I need to spend more time with my friends and family. I need to find something to give my life some meaning. This one is going to be challenging, but I need to do it.
7) Write on my blog more consistently. Starting this blog has been really helpful for my journey so far. It really has helped me to work through my struggles along the way. It helps me to vent and gives me a place to encourage myself as well as others. And I love having the support of my readers! So, I need to try and write here at least once a week.

Whew! That's quite a tall order... sorry for the super-long entry. I guess I'm making up for lost time... LOL.

Have a wonderful Sunday!
LP

Looking for a silver lining...

So, as you all know, I've been pretty down this holiday season... For the first time ever, I am working on Christmas. Not the way I want to spend my day. It's made it kind of difficult to get into the spirit of the season.

This weekend, my parents and my sister with her family came up to celebrate Christmas early. It was my first holiday at my house. It was really great to see everyone, although I am not very used to having a screaming 2 year old around (even if she is super-cute, she sure can be loud)! We had dinner catered from Ukrops, which made the work involved much more bearable! And this evening, some friends will hopefully be coming over to help me with the leftovers!

But there is a silver lining in having to work on Christmas (fitness-goal wise, anyway). It's going to be much easier to be good and stay on track! And the prospect of a fitness assessment Jan 3rd is an additional motivator to do just that!

So, in case I don't check in again before then (I've been a little slack with the blog-writing lately!)... Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy and Healthy 2009!

LP

Rainy Days and Mondays...

Hello all,

Well, it's one of those days... I think I have the Holiday Blues. I just can't get into the Christmas Spirit. It doesn't help matters that I am working both Christmas and New Years this year, or the fact that I'm spending yet another holiday alone. It's getting harder and harder to be without someone special as I get older... sigh.

Still haven't lost the weight I gained around Thanksgiving... I'm slowly getting there though. I did some good cardio this morning and I plan to go back again for an afternoon workout. Maybe I can exercise myself out of this funk!

Have a wonderful day!
LP

Surviving the holidays...

Good morning,

I hope everyone had a very happy and healthy Thanksgiving. This year more than ever I have so much to be thankful for. It was absolutely wonderful to get together with my family -- I don't get to see them often enough...

But Thanksgiving was pretty challenging in terms of my health and fitness goals. I did go for a nice long walk on Thanksgiving Day, but I had been working out far less than I was in the weeks prior. And, to add insult to injury, I fell victim to my old eating habits. I did try to be good but gave way to temptation and my cheat day turned into cheat days... sigh...

No big deal... I'm back at home and back to working out and eating right. But as I think about it some more, I'm a little bit fearful about the rest of the holiday season. For the next month temptations are going to be all around me! There are holiday parties and people spreading cheer in the form of baked goods at work. Usually, I am pretty good at saying no to sweets or other foods that I know I shouldn't have, but I'm not so good when it's everywhere!!!

So, I need yet another game plan... I think it's back to the journal. At least this way, if I plan on cheating I'll have to write it down. Maybe this way I'll be more mindful. And most importantly, I'm not going to beat myself up about the slip-ups.

At least year when the new year comes around I will already be well on my way to becoming a much healthier person.

Have a wonderful weekend!
LP

Cleaning out the closet...

Good morning...

I decided that it's about time to start emptying my closet. My body image is still a little skewed, but even I can tell that some things are getting to be too big on me. The problem is I hate shopping and so I have to wear the bigger clothes since I have nothing else to wear. But it's time to bite the bullet and say goodbye to my old outfits and make room for some new ones. (A side note -- anyone know of a place that has cute plus-sized clothing that aren't super expensive???)

So, getting rid of my old clothes is kind of an anxiety-inducing experience. I know I have no need for them anymore (as I intend not to go back to where I was), but I keep thinking what if I were to need them??? I know deep down it's not going to happen, but the thought has crept up nevertheless...

But the good thing about doing this cleaning out the closet now -- it's a little bit motivating to not go overboard over the holidays. After all, if I have no big clothes, what will I wear???

Happy Wednesday!
LP

A small step in the wrong direction...

So, for "funsies" today, I decided to step on the scale... I gained some weight back. Only a few pounds (but more than a couple), but it's in the wrong direction. I think there are a few explanations. I really was super-strict right before my assessment and didn't it up to the same degree after. So, there probably is a component of water weight involved (maybe both extra lost for the assessment and gained now).

The funny thing is, I'm okay with it. Not stressing at all... I wanted to let you all know since so many of you were hopeful I'd have lost those extra 3lbs by Thanksgiving, but it's not meant to be. It'll come off eventually. I haven't really decided on my next goal... it is either 100lb down by Christmas or just not to have gained anything come my next assessment (which is conveniently right after New Years). I'm determined not to drive myself crazy stressing about my weight, especially over the holidays. I'm just going to be mindful not to undo all of the hard work I have accomplished so far!

Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys their short work week.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
LP

Assessment Day

So, for those of you who didn't know me in high school, I was the girl who stressed about failing every test and actually did just fine... I thought I had gotten better about that, but apparently not so much.

My assessment this morning went great. I have lost another 12 lbs and 11.5 inches since my last assessment at the end of September. That makes my grand totals 97 lbs and 59.5 inches gone forever!

I'm very pleased with the results and proud of all my hard work. And still very proud of all of the things that I wrote about yesterday that aren't measured on the scale or with the tape.

Happy Thursday!
LP

An appropriate reality check...

So, tomorrow's the day! I'm due for my fitness assessment (actually overdue, but I asked to postpone it a week...) and ever since I made that silly goal, I've been obsessing about it. Not a healthy behavior at all... and even though I "called it off", I still stress over trying to reach it.

Truth is, it's not going to happen and I really need to let it go. There's no reason to discount all of the hard work I've done and progress I've made. I need to be proud of whatever I've accomplished and remember that I am in the middle of a marathon and not a sprint.

So, today I am going to try and focus on all of the changes I have made and how far I've come already. I make healthier choices every day. I'm consistently choosing to go exercise (even when I don't want to). I can do so much more than I could when I started -- just this morning I did an hour on the elliptical machine and went 9.6 miles! I can walk wherever I want and don't get back pain anymore. I also eat so much better than I did before. I'm actually cooking!!! I even channeled my inner Rachael Ray and made spaghetti squash the other day. But it's not just the diet and exercise, I really am more confident and more willing to put myself out there. Some of my friends comment that I'm a totally different person -- that I'm coming out of my shell. I don't know about all that, but I am a lot happier and comfortable in my body. These things are so much more important than a number on the scale or a measuring tape!

So I'm going to keep telling myself these things today. I know they're true and hopefully I can embrace them. I'll let you know how tomorrow goes but whatever the result -- I have a lot to be proud of!

Happy Wednesday -- halfway to the weekend!!!
LP

Learning how to accept a compliment...

So, one thing I've noticed recently is that when it comes to my weight loss I'm really bad at graciously accepting compliments... I have even heard myself credit my progress and change in appearance my sweater (it is one of those sweaters that follows the 'What Not to Wear' rules and so is flattering and forgiving to my shape). How silly I must sound!!! I guess since I mainly see how much more I have to go instead of how far I've come the comments catch me off guard. And if engaged in a conversation about it, I usually say something to that effect -- that I have so much more that I have to lose. So, I'm learning that the best thing to do is just smile and say a simple "thank you".

The best compliments that I have received are the ones from people who I've inspired to start (or keep going on) their own fitness journeys. Just yesterday, my friend Kristen told me that she didn't want to work out but then thought, "I bet Laura is at the gym" and decided to go. I've noticed a lot of my other friends start getting serious about their fitness and weight loss goals. This fills me with so much pride. I have no problems accepting those kind of compliments :)

So, I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank all of you for being my cheerleaders and source of support. And thank you all for the kind words, even if I clumsily didn't know what to say at the time...

Happy Tuesday!
LP

Something to look forward to...

Hello,

It's been a little while since I've written on my blog. Work continues to be crazy and continues to be my greatest source of stress. It seems to go in cycles and I know things will eventually get better; it's just a matter of when. For now I just have to hang on and take it one day at a time...

I'm very much looking forward to Thanksgiving. I have a decent stretch of time off and I will get to see the fam, including my cutie-patootie niece, Jasmine. She just turned 2 and she is an absolute delight... well, when she's not being a terror! But I always enjoy when I get to spend time with her. I was supposed to host Thanksgiving this year but since I don't have a dining room table as of yet, we will spending the holiday in Raleigh at Mom & Dad's. I think it will be really good to get away for a while...

Anyway, I have my next fitness assessment Thursday. I really hope that it goes well. I've been working really hard but with the stress of work it's been more of a challenge to keep on track. I'm really proud that I've kept going because there have been times that I've wanted to call the whole thing off and just give into temptation. My life has changed so much in the last 9 months and there is no going back. It's kind of weird and pretty cool to think about at the same time...

Happy Monday! Only ten more days til Turkey Day...
LP

Easy like Sunday morning...

Hello,

I'm beginning to feel like my normal self... Yesterday was spent again just chilling out, napping, and watching mindless TV and then last night, I got together with some friends and played poker. This morning I slept in, which was much needed. After that, I was ready to start the day -- cleaning/organizing, catching up with emails and now checking in on my blog...

I have recognized a couple of patterns that are likely the barriers to success with my previous weight loss attempts. Over the last couple of weeks I caught myself eating out of stress. Last night I caught myself mindlessly snacking out of boredom (which is why I was so thankful when Hope asked me to come hang out). I've rid myself of so many unhealthy habits so far but apparently there are others I need to address. Just being able to identify the issue is encouraging; now I can be more mindful of this tendency and try to change the behavior. It made me think of something I learned along the way (not sure if it was from weight watchers or med school or some random girl's fitness magazine): the HALT mnemonic --for me, it should really be the HALTS mnemonic. It's designed to ask yourself "Am I going to eat this (insert food item here) because I'm Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired (or Stressed)?" Any answer other than hungry should prompt you to take other action. I'm going to try and use it this week... I wanted to give it to you all in case it will help you, too.

Anyway, it's back to "work" for me. I want to get rid of all the clutter so that I can relax in a comfortable environment (and not worry should someone just stop by)...

Have a wonderful week!
LP

T.G.I.F.

Hello everyone...

Happy Friday!! I'm going to do everything in my power to ensure that this is a great day. I'm working the afternoon shift today (which goes from 1pm-11pm) which means I got to sleep in a little. Having breakfast now and then I'll be heading to the gym for some cardio. The Friday afternoon shift is always extremely busy and can be kind of stressful, so I want to make sure I'm well-prepared...

I must say while I really did have a wonderful 2 days off earlier this week, it definitely wasn't enough to recover from my time on the wards. The last 2 days at work were kind of miserable, too. I was on edge the entire time and things that should be minor annoyances at most were completely stressing me out... and in turn I'm sure I was affecting the people who work most closely with me (sorry, Nikki!). I need to find a better outlet for my stress while I am at work, because being overtired seems to be the rule rather than the exception. After tonight I have a little longer of a break (I think 4 days) which will help. It should be enough time to get back into a healthy routine and maybe reprogram my negative attitude...

As for my nutrition and fitness, I'm doing okay. Not great... but okay. I'm making it to the gym regularly and that has been great. My food choices have been inconsistent. I've been doing a great job during the day but when I get home, things fall apart a little. The upside is I don't buy junk anymore so the damage is not that bad. But I probably need to do a better job with dinner than having low-fat cheese and whole grain crackers (especially when it's so easy to eat more than one would need of that kind of meal). I guess it all comes down to proper planning... maybe on work days I should start making dinner the night before too in order to prevent having to think too much about it. I think I'll give it a whirl next week and see how it goes. Tomorrow is my weigh-in day (not an assessment, but just a weekly weigh-in). I'm pretty sure my progress has stalled some. I hope I'm not gaining and will deal with it if I am (I've adopted Sean's "don't beat yourself up" strategy). I just need to get back on track...

Well, that's about it. I hope everyone has a wonderfully relaxing weekend!

LP

What a difference a day makes!!!

Hello,

I am happy to report that I have had a wonderfully unproductive day and enjoyed every second of it! I did get my cardio in and got my nutrition on track, but the rest of the day was filled with a whole lot of nothing -- I played on the computer (I'm a huge facebook addict), took a nap and caught up on my recorded television shows. I did play personal trainer for my friend Brianna tonight which was a lot of fun. But it was a very nice, no-stress day!

Today was just what this doctor ordered... I look forward to having a wonderfully productive, no stress tomorrow.

Happy Monday! Have a great night!
LP

Ahhh....

Hello,

So I survived. It was difficult, but I managed to get through the last few days without anymore breakdowns! And now I have 2 days to relax and do absolutely nothing. What I will be doing is getting my life back in order... as you might imagine, it's easy to let things slip if all you have time for is work and sleep. But I look forward to many hours of just sitting and enjoying some peace and quiet...

I do have to renew my commitment to my health. I took my trainer's advice and didn't beat myself up when I was maybe a little more self-indulgent than I should have been. But it's time to get back on track! I look forward to getting back into a routine... it's definitely key for my sanity.

So, I may have to rethink the 100# by Thanksgiving goal... We'll just have to see how things go. Not going to stress about it - I'm just going to keep doing what I know I need to do. With the right behaviors I can't go wrong (even if it does take me longer to get there)...

Have a wonderful week... I plan to.
LP

Time to be selfish...

The last 2 weeks have been overwhelmingly rough... Working 14 days straight is tiring at any time, but 14 days of staying really late and having to look over everyone's work because you can't trust that things are being done correctly is pure torture. Last night was the first night that I got more that 5 hours of sleep since I started this stretch (I almost always get at least 7 or 8). And yesterday, I lost it. I was at my wit's end and got pushed just a little too far. It got to be so bad that I couldn't even keep it together at work; I must have cried at least 3 times. Not cool -- not cool at all.

I'm doing the best I can and I hope people know that. But I feel like I'm being pulled in 500 directions and I can't take it anymore. Something has to change and NOW. It's time for me to take care of myself so that I can better take care of everybody else.

I have 3 more days to go before I get a couple of days off... I look forward to a little rest.

Take care,
LP

Checking in...

Hey guys,

Thanks for the support (and tough love)... This has been a pretty stressful 2 weeks but I'm getting back into the swing of things. I'm cutting myself some slack (and remembering my own advice about celebrating imperfection). Things will get back to normal in no time.

So, unfortunately there is no rest for the weary this weekend. I'm in the middle of a stretch of working 14 days straight. Hopefully the second half of this block will go more smoothly.

Have a wonderful weekend... Have some fun for me!!!
LP

Another roadblock...

Let me preface this by noting that it seems like everytime I get super-excited on this journey I hit a wall and get super-frustrated...

For reasons unknown to me, I am in a slump. I am losing motivation and I'm losing it fast. Not sure if it is just a lull after going all-out last week or if it's the culmination of all of the stress I'm feeling. I dragged myself to the gym this morning and half-assed my workout -- I hate when I do that (not that it happens often...). My nutrition has not been up to par over the last couple of days and today I decided to nap over getting my extra cardio in. I'm afraid of failing and I feel like I'm teetering on a dangerous edge. Please don't read this as I am planning on quitting, because I know that is not an option. I'm just saying that I need to get my little slip-ups under control before they become big ones...

Hopefully, this too will pass... sooner rather than later would be preferable.

LP

Lofty goals...

Hi guys,

I have been thinking a lot about my progress so far... I have been blessed with a tremendous amount of success to date. My lifestyle is 100% different than it had been only nine months ago -- thankfully, everything has become a habit and there is no going back. I do want to add that I am proud of what I have accomplished so far (just so there is no confusion about this)...

...but I need a new goal -- something to keep me going forward. Since I started on Valentine's Day 2008, I thought that wouldn't it be fitting for my goal deadline to be another holiday (this could be a cute theme for the rest of my fitness goals, too). So, I have decided that I want to have lost a hundred pounds by Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is 6 weeks away. I haven't weighed myself yet this week, but I think I have anywhere from 10-15 lbs to lose to reach this goal. So it's an obtainable goal, but ambitious. I wanted to share it with you all so that it is more real... It sets up some accountability. My trainer supports this goal, but suggests that I boost up the cardio to help me attain it. To that end, I have been doing cardio twice a day. I know that I may not be able to keep that up during busy stretches at work, but I can always add walking the stairs to those days (elevators are kind of a guilty pleasure for me). I also plan on continuing the journaling and the good nutrition. I will also have to try to limit the number of cheat days I take.

So, I'm putting my goal out there. I figure if by some chance I don't make it, all of that hard work will at least put me close to it... so what do I have to lose???

Wish me luck!
LP

Riding the roller coaster

Hello,

Sorry that I haven't written in a while. I had a pretty dramatic last few days. I'm happy to report that things are much better now. My grandmother (same grandma I spoke of in my Sept 26th post) fell last Friday and hit her head. She was unconscious and on a ventilator. For a while there, I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I was a bit of a mess for a while. A lot of you know all or part of the story by now, but I'm happy to report that she is recovering nicely. She was taken off of the ventilator yesterday and is now getting close to back to her old self. They think she will be discharged from the hospital early next week. Thank you for all of your prayers and well-wishes...

So, it looks like this roller coaster is nearing its end and life will get back to normal very shortly. I personally am looking forward to a little more calm and normalcy...

Happy Wednesday!
LP