Self-reflection and the importance of letting go...

Anyone who knows me well knows that I'm wound a little too tight... Things upset me easily, and I can get myself worked up over what are sometimes small things. When I get that way at work, one of my good friends is usually there to remind me to "let it go". Sometimes that is easier said than done...

I've been thinking about things and I desperately need a change. I've been failing with my New Year's resolution to maintain a better work/life balance. Work is stressful, and that isn't likely to change any time soon, but it's up to me how I handle that stress. Being stressed out all of the time is not healthy. I'm certain it is in part sabotaging my fitness efforts, but more importantly it's making me really unhappy. I need to have some positive outlets for my stress. Working out used to do the trick, but now I'm finding that I need more. Finding a balance is what I need to do in order to stay sane...

So, I'm recommitting to working on these things today. Whether that be a new hobby, quality time with friends and family or just some time for self-nurturing, I am going to do something to help me let go of the stress and frustration that I've been keeping inside.

I'll let you know how it goes...

Have a wonderful day!
LP

Another NSV...

Today while rounding on my patients, I took the stairs!!! And, my patients are scattered throughout the hospital so it was no small feat! But even though I am working out 6 days a week, I was still winded walking up the steps :( I guess that shouldn't surprise me since my colleague who runs half-marathons is winded every morning when he gets to our office (which is located on the 9th floor). I still haven't braved that trek... I took the elevator to our office this am. Who knows -- maybe after a while I too will do the 9 floor hike (but for now I'm taking it one step at a time...)

OK, that was a little corny (and unintended)... but you know what I mean!

Happy Sunday!
LP

Patience is a virtue...

... one that I have yet to master. Still working on getting back on track. I know it takes time, but I am desperate for the numbers to change in the right direction... NSV's are nice and all, but I want to see weight loss! Soon!!

So for now, still plugging away, hoping that the tides will change one of these days. It was so much easier to be good when I was seeing the results at the same time... it's much more of a challenge these days. Maybe I'm supposed to be learning some important life lesson with this struggle (like the importance of patience?... self-acceptance at any size?... follow-though on a difficult task?)... I'll have to think about these things a little harder.

Anyway, I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend.
LP

Looking for silver linings...

Today is kind of a yucky day. It's grey outside and looks like it wants to rain really badly but hasn't. The kind of day where you want to stay in your pj's and nap all day long. And instead of doing something fun, I'm stuck waiting for my car at the Honda dealership (and Dr. Phil is on once again, but this time he has nothing inspirational to say to me)...

But I'm trying hard to stay hopeful and optimistic so I guess that it's better not to dwell on the negative. So even on this very blah day I am happy about --
1) I ran again today -- this time for 2 stretches of 10 minutes. Not on the treadmill but "suicide run" style up and down the hallway at the gym.
2) I reconnected with a friend with whom I have been playing phone-tag for a while... He's a friend from junior high, high school and college. Our lives couldn't be any more different and it is such a treat to hear all about what is going on in his life even if I have nothing new to report...
3) My home is still neat and organized... this one surprises me (and probably anyone who knows me very well).

Not too bad from this Pessimistic Patty. Now, with any luck my car will be done soon and I can go take a nap. :)

Have a good one!
LP

Today's NSV...

I went and did my cardio this morning. 35 min of HIIT (high intensity interval training) on the elliptical machine. It went well and I felt good. Afterwards I did my shoulder rehab exercises and some ab work. But I then decided to push a little further...

... I got on the treadmill and ran (well, my version of running anyway -- more like jogging at a 5.0 speed) for 5 minutes without stopping. That is huge for me! I haven't been able to run for any more than 90 seconds at a time before this.

My plan is to keep building on this. With any luck, I'll be running in no time :)

Happy HumpDay!
LP

p.s. - no, this is not an April Fool's post -- I ACTUALLY RAN!!!

Oh, he means business...

As I mentioned before, Sean has been helping me stay on track with my nutrition by checking my journal at each training session. The ground rules that he set were 1) it had to be completely filled out and 2) I brought it each time we worked out together. And the punishment was extra exercises (mountain climbers to be specific).

So, I have been doing exactly that. However, apparently there was a 3rd rule -- one that I learned yesterday. There is also a penalty of extra exercise if he doesn't like what I wrote down! Not cool! And really, my indiscretion was really not that bad at all -- a "skinny cow" ice cream sandwich... (Sean asked when I have ever seen a skinny cow).

I learned that one the hard way...

Happy Tuesday!
LP

Spring has SPRUNG!!!

Spring is FINALLY here... I thought it would never come. The weather is lovely and brings with it some cheerful optimism. And why not? My house is uncluttered (okay, it's only been two days), I spent some lovely time catching up with old friends this weekend, and I'm happy that I'm being good with my nutrition and exercise. Oh, and the fact that I have the next week off doesn't hurt either. Hopefully, I can bottle these hopeful and positive thoughts for the next rainy day...

Anyway, I'm still stalled when it comes to results. Sean assures me that the results will come again in time as I continue to do what's right. While I want to believe him, I'm going to have to wait and see. For now, I'm taking comfort in the fact that I'm living a healthy life and I'm taking inventory of all of the non-scale victories...

Happy Monday!
LP

Cluttered house... cluttered life.

Hello all... I hope you all are enjoying your weekend.

Recently, my life has been a mess. My home is a mess. Work is super-duper stressful. And well you know how my fitness endeavors are going. I think that it all goes hand in hand. I mean, how can you do anything when you don't have a nice, welcoming home where you can relax and regroup?

So today I have been trying to remedy this. I've been cleaning house. No longer do I get palpitations at the thought of someone dropping by unexpectedly. The mountain of mail that covered my dining room table is gone! I've caught up with my bills, and now I can tackle my taxes (I've been dreading doing them). Still have to clean my room, but the house is a gazillion times better than it was...

Ahh... now things are manageable once again.

Happy Saturday!
LP

Facing the music... (or not)

Hello,

So, I think it's time to come clean. I have fallen off the wagon - big time. For the last 2 weeks, I have indulged in anything that I wanted to eat -- every day has been a cheat day! I looked back at my journal, and I haven't journaled for about a month! Which goes along with the bad eating habits... I don't want to see my digressions written down because then I can't lie to myself about it not really being "that bad". The scale has reflected my poor choices and so has my appearance (why is it that I have such a hard time seeing my positive progress but when I'm backsliding it's clear as the nose on my face?!?). ENOUGH IS ENOUGH...

I told Sean yesterday that I have been out of control and that I need help being monitored more closely. I'm back to writing it down (at WW, they have a saying -- "if you bite it, write it") and I'm expected to bring the journal to every training session. He's going to check, and I believe the penalty for not complying is 2 minutes mountain-climbers (an exercise that I particularly dislike). Today was the first day of this new routine.

But I don't think that I'm going to make a WW meeting today. I think I may be still at work at that time but I also can't bring myself to step on the scale today. I know what it's going to say...
If I do skip out, I will have to weigh later this week but I think that right now that is the better option.

OK, so the skeleton is freed from the closet. Now it's back to work...

Happy Tuesday!
LP

Here we go again...

So, I've been trying to put off writing until I had something positive to say -- and hence I haven't written in forever. So I figured that I had better write something...

I'm hanging in there. It is just so much easier to do this when you are seeing the result of your hard work. I'm still trying to find a program that will allow me to achieve all of my goals -- a program that is sustainable for life.

I've decided to go to WW for a while. I need to have some accountability and right now that means weekly weigh-ins. I think my nutrition is on track (my previous diet is a lot like the "simply filling" - or the old "core"), but I will be tracking what I eat again. And I am going to try and endure meetings again -- that is, until they drive me crazy again! You see, I've tried this program before with minimal success. But perhaps coupled with the training I will start seeing results.

One week in and I lost 1.4 lbs... A good friend of mine has said on her blog, "a loss is a loss is a loss". I'll take it. One step at a time!

Happy St. Patty's Day!
LP

Checking in / progress ...

So, I've been a bit of a slacker with the blogging... I guess I have been uninspired!

Still working hard to get back on track. So far, I'm doing a pretty good job, but I just can't seem to get back to the gung-ho, 100% perfect with the nutrition, working out twice a day plan that I once was doing. I'm okay with not trying to be perfect because I know that it's not maintainable, but I am trying to balance giving myself a little slack and finding a do-able lifestyle and still working hard enough to get the results I need (I still have SUCH a long way to go!). I need to get rid of this "all-or-nothing" mentality that's working against me...

Oh, I took progress pictures this week!

On the left is a picture I took sometime this summer. I'm not exactly sure when and so I don't know what I weighed at the time. I kind of wish that I had taken pictures a year ago when I started because it would have been neat to see the entire transformation. On the right is the picture I took this week. I do know what I weighed then, but that's between me and my trainer ;o)... I guess the reason that it is so important is that I am not at my lowest weight right now. I would have been helpful to know what the difference in pounds was, because even though I may weigh the same, there are other differences...


............................................................................................................................... and YES, I can see differences in the pictures, but I'm pretty sure they are more subtle in my mind (or credited to the differences in how the pictures were taken). Being my harshest critic makes it difficult to see what others see. I'm still getting positive and encouraging comments from people at work, which actually makes me feel kind of guilty because I know that I've gained. But, I just smile and say thank you...

Anyway, have a wonderful weekend!
LP

1 year down... a lifetime to go!

Hello friends,

Well, I had another disappointing assessment yesterday -- I gained another 3#, but I'm still 87# down and still plugging away. I'm going to start working with Sean 4x a week and we're going to try some tweaking to my diet... with any luck and some hard work I'll be back on track in no time.

Thank you so much for all of your kind words and support.

Happy Sunday!
LP

TGIF!

Hey all. Figured I'd check in...

Really glad that the week is over (well, almost over). Not exactly a bad week, just busy. I still can't seem to get on track. I feel like I'm (for the most part) doing the right things, but I am still not seeing results. I know that some of my angst is pre-assessment nerves, but I am just losing optimism and hope. I know that this can't be it... right???

I can't believe that it's going to be a year next Saturday.

Anyway, I'm still plugging along...

Happy Friday!
LP

If you don't have anything nice to say...

Hello, guys...

So, my friend Brianna told me I've been slacking on my blogging and urged me to give everyone an update. The truth is, I really wanted to have positive things to say. I was trying this new upbeat, optimistic thing and going with the old adage, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." She told me that maybe people need to hear about my struggles because everyone goes through it... So here I am.

It seems that I've been struggling a little. And by a little, I mean some of my old (quite horrible) habits have popped up. Another high-stress week at work (seems like a theme, doesn't it?) and I resorted to late night snacking -- and on some pretty unhealthy foods. I allowed myself to sleep in one morning instead of going to do my cardio. Seems like I'm at an important fork in the road... I need to choose the right path even if it's more difficult.

Problem is, ever since I gave myself some leeway (which I never deserved in the first place), I'm finding it difficult to get back on track. But it's so important for me to not let the slip-ups in the past to hinder my progress... If I give myself the out, I will end up back where I was last year (and that's the last thing I want!) So it's starting over every day until I get it right... it is impossible to be perfect all of the time, but that is no excuse to give in. I'm picking myself back up!

Happy Sunday! Have a great week!
LP

p.s. -- how's that, Bri?

Looks like it's going to be a great day!

Every now and again I get this fantastic burst of energy and optimism... and today is one of those days! There is really no explanation for it, but I woke up well-rested and happy. I've been putting off some projects around the house for a little while now and so maybe I can put this energy to good use... Let's see how productive I can be :o)

If only there was a way to bottle this feeling so that I can have it on those days that I have a less-than-stellar attitude!

Have a wonderful and blessed day!
LP

This is only a test...

Plateaus suck... It's so much easier to be positive and upbeat when you're seeing results from all of your hard work. But it is the time when your progress stalls that separates the women from the girls... sigh...

But I'm persevering. I know I have no other choice. I'm hopeful that this plateau will soon end and that I will begin to get some positive feedback again. So please send me some weight loss mojo or juju or maybe just say a prayer that I am given the strength to get over this hurdle...

Have a wonderful weekend!
LP

Changing it up...

It's time to make some changes... I think my body has become used to the elliptical machine and so I'm not getting as much out of it anymore. I've been a little off track with my nutrition and I think part of that has to do with boredom from eating the same things day in and out. And as much as I love working out hard with Sean, I have some inflammation in my shoulder that has made it dificult to push myself.

So, we're going to to shake things up! I'm trading in my elliptical workouts for the treadmill and trying to incorporate new foods into my diet. Even Sean has changed my training sessions -- we're adding more cardio and increased reps with lighter weights.

I've always had a "slow to warm" temperament and I tend to shy away from change. I'm a little bit frightened that this may make my progress stall further (it's difficult for me to reach the same intensity on the treadmill especially since I can't really run just yet), but I'm ready to give it the old college try!

I'll check in a little bit with how things are going...

Happy Monday!
LP

Checking in...

I'm making good on my commitment to blog at least once a week (just under the wire)...

Rough week at work... Actually found myself stress-eating cookies that someone brought in to get out of their house. And worse, I verbalized that I was eating them to make me feel better!!! I know better than that... Thank goodness that people finished off the cookies so there is no more temptation! I don't buy that stuff, so it's much easier to be good at home.

Tomorrow is the last day of this work stretch... I'm looking forward to getting my life back and getting back on track!

Have a great weekend!
LP

Assessment Day

So, it could have been a lot worse. I did work hard this week and I mentally prepared myself for the gain. "Crazy Laura" did not show up today despite my 7# gain from last assessment. So, it's official and now I can start fresh from here. I'm kind of surprised that I'm hopeful and motivated rather than defeated and pessimistic.

My grand totals to date: 90# and 56.5" down... nothing to sneeze at. And I'll say it again so that I can remind myself -- it's a marathon, not a sprint!!!

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Happy Saturday!!
LP

Happy New Year!!!

I wanted to wish you all much health and happiness in 2009!

Even though I worked, I managed to get out to enjoy a little time with friends... They had been hanging out in the freezing cold in a quaint area downtown called Carytown waiting for a ball to rise (in NY, the ball drops... here it rises). Luckily, because I worked until 11, I only had to freeze for a little while...

They say that whomever you're with and whatever you're doing at midnight on NYE is what you will do the rest of the year... if that means that I'll be having a good time with good friends, then bring it on! (afterall, Richmond just isn't that cold all year long...)

This year, I made a different New Year's Resolution... to improve my work/life balance. I figured I didn't need to resolve to lose weight or get healthy in 2009 because I'm working toward that goal every day!

Anyway, however you are spending your New Year, I hope you have a wonderful day!!!

LP