Come Monday, it'll be alright...

I'm exhausted. I'm cranky. I'm not sleeping well. And it doesn't help matters that the attending on my sister team on wards brings tons of tempting snacks...

Trying to be good, but will definitely be better on Monday.

Here's hoping my weekend goes quickly while the rest of you can savor every moment!!!

2 more days... 2 more days...
LP

Absentee blogger...

wDay 7 of 14 of another stint on wards at work... halfway there! Things are busy (as usual) but manageable. And I haven't strangled anyone yet, so that's a good sign...

I haven't been so good with my nutrition and fitness lately... I skipped my cardio on Friday and then cancelled on Sean on Saturday (I had only 4 hours of sleep and really felt miserable). And well, it's kind of been a cheat weekend (which is not technically allowed).

Oh well. Tomorrow is another day...

Happy Sunday!
LP

Back in the swing of things...

So, I almost don't want to blog today because I'm a little afraid that I may jinx myself...

BUT SO FAR, things have been going well this week. Monday I didn't really want to go set up and workout, but I was proud of myself when I did. And today I had a wonderful workout with Sean. I've been doing well with my nutrition and have even incorporated some new foods into my diet. I've gotten myself to bed at a decent hour so that I have enough sleep. And I think it has made a difference. I've been less stressed at work (although I am fortunate to have a rock-star resident).

Here's hoping things keep going my way...

Have a good night!
LP

Checking in...

So, my week off is coming to an end... I actually am pretty proud of myself for not letting my days off from work and the gym go to waste. And even though I still have the weekend, I will say that I didn't wreak havoc on my overall fitness goals. To recap...

- Sunday and Monday. I worked the afternoon (1-11p) shift. And even though work had it's ordinary frustrations, I managed to be efficient and get out of there almost on time. Truth be told, I actually stayed later at work just chatting with my friend who was just coming on. So, fairly good nights at work relatively speaking.

- Tuesday. I had to teach FCM (my small group class for junior med-students), which meant sitting through them practice doing histories and physical exams on patients who agreed to spend an hour with a med student. These are usually painful to sit through, but I found myself thinking about how special our volunteer patients are -- they answer a billion of personal questions and then sit through what is usually not the smoothest of physical exams, with the only goal of giving med students practice. I decided to write one of them a thank-you note.
After FCM, I took a spinning class with a friend from work. It was a lot of fun, but OUCH! I actually had a bruise in a rather unfortunate location. But I was so proud that I made it through the class. And I even got props from the instructor!

- Wednesday. Wednesday was a rainy, yucky day. The kind of day that you just want to stay in bed. My car was in the shop (my "check engine light" kept coming on intermittently"). I greatly underestimated how hard it was raining and I decided to walk to the Honda dealership to pick up my car. Well, that was a bad call because when I finally got there (it's a little more than a mile away) I was DRENCHED! Oh well, at least I got a little activity in.
I spent the rest of the day pampering myself... I went to the bookstore to get some new reading material, and then to the nail salon for a pedicure. Later, I had an appointment for a massage. I must say, I never thought I would be someone who enjoyed massages... I'm pretty self-conscious about my size. But I've learned to let that go and relax. I was so relaxed that I was even able to take my "check engine light" coming back on in stride.

- Thursday. Back to the Honda dealership in the morning (actually twice because the first time the light had gone back off) and I'm happy to report the problem is fixed. Next on the agenda was a trip to Fredericksburg for lunch with a HS friend who travelled to DC for work. It was so nice to catch up and the weather was absolutely lovely. Enough to put anyone in a fantastic mood!

- Friday. I weighed in at WW to make sure that I hadn't gained 10 lbs while not paying close attention to my diet (I hadn't... I stayed exactly the same). Then I dropped by the gym to visit with Sean. I wanted to schedule my assessment for tomorrow so that I can start fresh on Monday. We had a nice talk.
Later today I go for a facial. Should be another relaxing experience... never had one before.

So, that's all I have to report. Here's hoping all of this relaxation and self-nurturing helps me keep the stresses of the next 2 weeks in control (ah, yes... I start another 14 day stint at work). I'm going to try and find a little time for myself each of those days (kind of like a maintenance program)... I'll let you know how it turns out!

Have a wonderful weekend!
LP

Taking time off, part 2...

I know that originally the plan was to wait until I had a vacation planned for the week I take off. But, the need to take a break more urgently became readily apparent in the last couple of days. Plus, after looking at May's schedule I realized that I really don't have a good chunk of time to schedule a vacation.... so today was my last training session for a week.

Truth be told, I'm a little afraid of what this week will bring. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with myself. And since I'm supposed to be more lenient (without going overboard) with my diet, I am concerned that I may not be ready to be let to my own devices... what if I don't have the self-control and fall back to all of my old habits?

Even though I don't have a vacation planned, I intend to spend some time doing things for me. Things to pamper myself like getting a massage, taking some long walks... maybe I can even plan a day trip or two.

I'm hopeful that after this week I will be re-energized and ready to tackle my fitness goals head-on with a positive attitude. I really hope that this is just what I need to start seeing some concrete results once again.

Have a wonderful weekend! Happy Easter!
LP

Taking some time off...

So yesterday I told Sean that I needed to take a week off from training. I need some time to decompress. My body needs some time to repair itself. I was really afraid of what Sean might say (especially since I had a mini-breakdown recently and told him that I was thinking of quitting), but he was actually open to the idea. But he doesn't want me to just take next week off. He wants me to actually plan something so that I can enjoy that time off.

Today I have a pretty bad migraine. I've tried to sleep the worst parts of it off and now it's a dull-roar of a headache. So I'm taking today off, too.

Hope your Thursday is better than mine!
LP

Self-reflection and the importance of letting go...

Anyone who knows me well knows that I'm wound a little too tight... Things upset me easily, and I can get myself worked up over what are sometimes small things. When I get that way at work, one of my good friends is usually there to remind me to "let it go". Sometimes that is easier said than done...

I've been thinking about things and I desperately need a change. I've been failing with my New Year's resolution to maintain a better work/life balance. Work is stressful, and that isn't likely to change any time soon, but it's up to me how I handle that stress. Being stressed out all of the time is not healthy. I'm certain it is in part sabotaging my fitness efforts, but more importantly it's making me really unhappy. I need to have some positive outlets for my stress. Working out used to do the trick, but now I'm finding that I need more. Finding a balance is what I need to do in order to stay sane...

So, I'm recommitting to working on these things today. Whether that be a new hobby, quality time with friends and family or just some time for self-nurturing, I am going to do something to help me let go of the stress and frustration that I've been keeping inside.

I'll let you know how it goes...

Have a wonderful day!
LP

Another NSV...

Today while rounding on my patients, I took the stairs!!! And, my patients are scattered throughout the hospital so it was no small feat! But even though I am working out 6 days a week, I was still winded walking up the steps :( I guess that shouldn't surprise me since my colleague who runs half-marathons is winded every morning when he gets to our office (which is located on the 9th floor). I still haven't braved that trek... I took the elevator to our office this am. Who knows -- maybe after a while I too will do the 9 floor hike (but for now I'm taking it one step at a time...)

OK, that was a little corny (and unintended)... but you know what I mean!

Happy Sunday!
LP

Patience is a virtue...

... one that I have yet to master. Still working on getting back on track. I know it takes time, but I am desperate for the numbers to change in the right direction... NSV's are nice and all, but I want to see weight loss! Soon!!

So for now, still plugging away, hoping that the tides will change one of these days. It was so much easier to be good when I was seeing the results at the same time... it's much more of a challenge these days. Maybe I'm supposed to be learning some important life lesson with this struggle (like the importance of patience?... self-acceptance at any size?... follow-though on a difficult task?)... I'll have to think about these things a little harder.

Anyway, I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend.
LP

Looking for silver linings...

Today is kind of a yucky day. It's grey outside and looks like it wants to rain really badly but hasn't. The kind of day where you want to stay in your pj's and nap all day long. And instead of doing something fun, I'm stuck waiting for my car at the Honda dealership (and Dr. Phil is on once again, but this time he has nothing inspirational to say to me)...

But I'm trying hard to stay hopeful and optimistic so I guess that it's better not to dwell on the negative. So even on this very blah day I am happy about --
1) I ran again today -- this time for 2 stretches of 10 minutes. Not on the treadmill but "suicide run" style up and down the hallway at the gym.
2) I reconnected with a friend with whom I have been playing phone-tag for a while... He's a friend from junior high, high school and college. Our lives couldn't be any more different and it is such a treat to hear all about what is going on in his life even if I have nothing new to report...
3) My home is still neat and organized... this one surprises me (and probably anyone who knows me very well).

Not too bad from this Pessimistic Patty. Now, with any luck my car will be done soon and I can go take a nap. :)

Have a good one!
LP

Today's NSV...

I went and did my cardio this morning. 35 min of HIIT (high intensity interval training) on the elliptical machine. It went well and I felt good. Afterwards I did my shoulder rehab exercises and some ab work. But I then decided to push a little further...

... I got on the treadmill and ran (well, my version of running anyway -- more like jogging at a 5.0 speed) for 5 minutes without stopping. That is huge for me! I haven't been able to run for any more than 90 seconds at a time before this.

My plan is to keep building on this. With any luck, I'll be running in no time :)

Happy HumpDay!
LP

p.s. - no, this is not an April Fool's post -- I ACTUALLY RAN!!!

Oh, he means business...

As I mentioned before, Sean has been helping me stay on track with my nutrition by checking my journal at each training session. The ground rules that he set were 1) it had to be completely filled out and 2) I brought it each time we worked out together. And the punishment was extra exercises (mountain climbers to be specific).

So, I have been doing exactly that. However, apparently there was a 3rd rule -- one that I learned yesterday. There is also a penalty of extra exercise if he doesn't like what I wrote down! Not cool! And really, my indiscretion was really not that bad at all -- a "skinny cow" ice cream sandwich... (Sean asked when I have ever seen a skinny cow).

I learned that one the hard way...

Happy Tuesday!
LP

Spring has SPRUNG!!!

Spring is FINALLY here... I thought it would never come. The weather is lovely and brings with it some cheerful optimism. And why not? My house is uncluttered (okay, it's only been two days), I spent some lovely time catching up with old friends this weekend, and I'm happy that I'm being good with my nutrition and exercise. Oh, and the fact that I have the next week off doesn't hurt either. Hopefully, I can bottle these hopeful and positive thoughts for the next rainy day...

Anyway, I'm still stalled when it comes to results. Sean assures me that the results will come again in time as I continue to do what's right. While I want to believe him, I'm going to have to wait and see. For now, I'm taking comfort in the fact that I'm living a healthy life and I'm taking inventory of all of the non-scale victories...

Happy Monday!
LP

Cluttered house... cluttered life.

Hello all... I hope you all are enjoying your weekend.

Recently, my life has been a mess. My home is a mess. Work is super-duper stressful. And well you know how my fitness endeavors are going. I think that it all goes hand in hand. I mean, how can you do anything when you don't have a nice, welcoming home where you can relax and regroup?

So today I have been trying to remedy this. I've been cleaning house. No longer do I get palpitations at the thought of someone dropping by unexpectedly. The mountain of mail that covered my dining room table is gone! I've caught up with my bills, and now I can tackle my taxes (I've been dreading doing them). Still have to clean my room, but the house is a gazillion times better than it was...

Ahh... now things are manageable once again.

Happy Saturday!
LP

Facing the music... (or not)

Hello,

So, I think it's time to come clean. I have fallen off the wagon - big time. For the last 2 weeks, I have indulged in anything that I wanted to eat -- every day has been a cheat day! I looked back at my journal, and I haven't journaled for about a month! Which goes along with the bad eating habits... I don't want to see my digressions written down because then I can't lie to myself about it not really being "that bad". The scale has reflected my poor choices and so has my appearance (why is it that I have such a hard time seeing my positive progress but when I'm backsliding it's clear as the nose on my face?!?). ENOUGH IS ENOUGH...

I told Sean yesterday that I have been out of control and that I need help being monitored more closely. I'm back to writing it down (at WW, they have a saying -- "if you bite it, write it") and I'm expected to bring the journal to every training session. He's going to check, and I believe the penalty for not complying is 2 minutes mountain-climbers (an exercise that I particularly dislike). Today was the first day of this new routine.

But I don't think that I'm going to make a WW meeting today. I think I may be still at work at that time but I also can't bring myself to step on the scale today. I know what it's going to say...
If I do skip out, I will have to weigh later this week but I think that right now that is the better option.

OK, so the skeleton is freed from the closet. Now it's back to work...

Happy Tuesday!
LP

Here we go again...

So, I've been trying to put off writing until I had something positive to say -- and hence I haven't written in forever. So I figured that I had better write something...

I'm hanging in there. It is just so much easier to do this when you are seeing the result of your hard work. I'm still trying to find a program that will allow me to achieve all of my goals -- a program that is sustainable for life.

I've decided to go to WW for a while. I need to have some accountability and right now that means weekly weigh-ins. I think my nutrition is on track (my previous diet is a lot like the "simply filling" - or the old "core"), but I will be tracking what I eat again. And I am going to try and endure meetings again -- that is, until they drive me crazy again! You see, I've tried this program before with minimal success. But perhaps coupled with the training I will start seeing results.

One week in and I lost 1.4 lbs... A good friend of mine has said on her blog, "a loss is a loss is a loss". I'll take it. One step at a time!

Happy St. Patty's Day!
LP

Checking in / progress ...

So, I've been a bit of a slacker with the blogging... I guess I have been uninspired!

Still working hard to get back on track. So far, I'm doing a pretty good job, but I just can't seem to get back to the gung-ho, 100% perfect with the nutrition, working out twice a day plan that I once was doing. I'm okay with not trying to be perfect because I know that it's not maintainable, but I am trying to balance giving myself a little slack and finding a do-able lifestyle and still working hard enough to get the results I need (I still have SUCH a long way to go!). I need to get rid of this "all-or-nothing" mentality that's working against me...

Oh, I took progress pictures this week!

On the left is a picture I took sometime this summer. I'm not exactly sure when and so I don't know what I weighed at the time. I kind of wish that I had taken pictures a year ago when I started because it would have been neat to see the entire transformation. On the right is the picture I took this week. I do know what I weighed then, but that's between me and my trainer ;o)... I guess the reason that it is so important is that I am not at my lowest weight right now. I would have been helpful to know what the difference in pounds was, because even though I may weigh the same, there are other differences...


............................................................................................................................... and YES, I can see differences in the pictures, but I'm pretty sure they are more subtle in my mind (or credited to the differences in how the pictures were taken). Being my harshest critic makes it difficult to see what others see. I'm still getting positive and encouraging comments from people at work, which actually makes me feel kind of guilty because I know that I've gained. But, I just smile and say thank you...

Anyway, have a wonderful weekend!
LP

1 year down... a lifetime to go!

Hello friends,

Well, I had another disappointing assessment yesterday -- I gained another 3#, but I'm still 87# down and still plugging away. I'm going to start working with Sean 4x a week and we're going to try some tweaking to my diet... with any luck and some hard work I'll be back on track in no time.

Thank you so much for all of your kind words and support.

Happy Sunday!
LP

TGIF!

Hey all. Figured I'd check in...

Really glad that the week is over (well, almost over). Not exactly a bad week, just busy. I still can't seem to get on track. I feel like I'm (for the most part) doing the right things, but I am still not seeing results. I know that some of my angst is pre-assessment nerves, but I am just losing optimism and hope. I know that this can't be it... right???

I can't believe that it's going to be a year next Saturday.

Anyway, I'm still plugging along...

Happy Friday!
LP

If you don't have anything nice to say...

Hello, guys...

So, my friend Brianna told me I've been slacking on my blogging and urged me to give everyone an update. The truth is, I really wanted to have positive things to say. I was trying this new upbeat, optimistic thing and going with the old adage, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." She told me that maybe people need to hear about my struggles because everyone goes through it... So here I am.

It seems that I've been struggling a little. And by a little, I mean some of my old (quite horrible) habits have popped up. Another high-stress week at work (seems like a theme, doesn't it?) and I resorted to late night snacking -- and on some pretty unhealthy foods. I allowed myself to sleep in one morning instead of going to do my cardio. Seems like I'm at an important fork in the road... I need to choose the right path even if it's more difficult.

Problem is, ever since I gave myself some leeway (which I never deserved in the first place), I'm finding it difficult to get back on track. But it's so important for me to not let the slip-ups in the past to hinder my progress... If I give myself the out, I will end up back where I was last year (and that's the last thing I want!) So it's starting over every day until I get it right... it is impossible to be perfect all of the time, but that is no excuse to give in. I'm picking myself back up!

Happy Sunday! Have a great week!
LP

p.s. -- how's that, Bri?