Thursday, September 22, 2011

Catching up...

Two more days until I begin the second-half of my thirties... (maybe I should stick where I am?). I've managed to keep my craziness at bay so far. I have been filling my time with friends and fitness, and to be perfectly honest, the season premieres on TV. Biggest Loser is so much better of a show when I am doing what I need to in terms of my health - there is much less guilt! I love how optimistic everyone is at the beginning of the show; I remember that feeling. Now my optimism is guarded, and probably will be until I reach that first very important goal (less than 300).

Oh yeah, that's right... I never actually shared absolute numbers on here. Maybe I will catch you up. At my heaviest, I imagine I weighed 365-370 (I remember stepping on a scale once and it said 363, but I avoided them so I really don't know. That was in 2007. When I was having trouble walking from the back pain because of all that extra weight, I knew I needed to do something about it. I started with my first personal trainer on Feb 14, 2008. I weighed 359 lbs at the time. Initially, I had unbelievable results; in 9 months I lost 97.5 lbs. Of course, to do that I was a little neurotic - I was working out twice a day most days and taking supplements to keep the weight loss coming. I slowed down to a healthy and respectable pace, but then I slowly started gaining. It was really hard and disheartening -- I was doing everything I should, and I saw all my results slowly slip away. My trainer pushed me harder and harder and I tore my rotator cuff because I didn't stop when there was pain. That was a bigger setback and more sadness. I'm not sure how I didn't completely throw in the towel when my weight crept back over 300 lbs, but my efforts were not the same. I would go to the gym and work with my new trainer, but I would never go to the gym by myself and I would make excuses not to go if I was too tired. And my eating pattern also reverted back to what I used to do. I was at the point where my life was closer to what it was before I started than when I had success. I had reached my breaking point. I knew I had to break the pattern.

I started my first Body Back session weighing 354 lbs -- just 5 lbs less than my starting point. What a huge slice of humble pie!! (I'm pretty sure humble pie is calorie free, right?) The workouts were hard and I managed to get tendonitis in my hip from running almost immediately. But, this time I was smart about my injury and I persevered. I lost 15 lbs in that first session. I even maintained it during my 3 weeks of dormancy afterward (2 weeks on wards, followed by the hurricane with no power). I had never been so happy to not lose weight! But still, I was ready to hit the ground running and get serious again (no pun intended). I've lost about another 10lbs so far, and I hope to lose 20 by the end of the session. But more important than the numbers is the hope and faith that I have back in my life; I feel my goals are achievable even if it takes a long time.

I love what Body Back has given me. Confidence, encouragement and support. I workout with some amazing women. They are super supportive and I am honored to have them on my journey. They even tolerate my nulliparity (everyone else is a mom). These women showed up in my life at the exact moment I needed them most. Like I said before, I am blessed.

So, Saturday marks my 36th birthday and I will continue celebrating my accomplishments and my blessings. I look forward to what the future holds, and with any luck I'll be even less crazy come next September...

Happy Thursday!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I'm still here...

So, this is going to be a crazy fall. September is here and it is my birthday month! I do try and celebrate me all month long, mainly because I tend to get really sad and a little crazy. Before I tell you why, let me acknowledge a few truths... I have been blessed in many ways. I have friends and a family who love me, a successful career which I worked hard to obtain, and a strong (relatively) healthy body that allows me to do a lot. I thank God for all of these things in my life, and I trust that he has a special plan for me. But every year around this time, I am reminded of how many things I had hoped to do in my life by now (well years before now). I thought I would have found love and had started a family of my own. I thought I would have reached my healthy weight goal (and probably, if the jouney had been hiccup-free, I would have). And while most days I try to put on a happy face and be optimistic and hopeful, sometimes (especially this month) it's harder than others.

A friend of mine posted this blogpost that really struck home... I have definitely lost my awesome, and I am fighting to get it back. Maybe writing here and recounting my journey will help.

I started my second session of BodyBack. The first one was a success (I lost 15 lbs, and improved on all of my fitness tests including shaving a minute off my half-mile walk/run). I learned that I have a lying scale -- it was too kind to me and told me just what I wanted to hear even if it wasn't true. The doctor's scale is what I use for accuracy now (although I keep the other around just to make me smile when I need a little white lie...).

My goals this time:
- lose 15-20 lbs.
- run the entire half-mile
- keep up my healthy habits while on business trips or on breaks from class.

My plan:
- journal my food everyday
- workout 5x a week
- blog once a week
- utilize my support system when I need it

Well, wish me luck...
Happy Tuesday!